Looking from the outside in...

Before we start, I just want to thank the writers of the CBS show "Criminal Minds". This from the end of the season finale from Season #4. I am paraphrasing the ending monologue that Aaron Hotchner gives.

Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to happen this way? Could something have been done to prevent all of this in the first place? This doesn't just affect me. It affects everyone around me and close to me. From my Mom, who is doing her best to be strong for her "baby" and my Dad who has been the one to keep Mom strong, to my brothers who have both shown in their own way that they want to help but are very limited because of the physical distance between us. There is also Katie's family to consider. This affects them as much as it does my family. They all want to help somehow, but really can't since we are almost 600 miles away. That makes over 30 people in the Greater Cincinnati area, not including extended family and friends who thought things like this only happened to "somebody else" and wouldn't ever touch their lives, only to find out that it is now their turn to be "somebody else".

And what about my family? Not the ones back in Ohio & Kentucky, but my wife and girls. How many more times will the three of them be able to look into the abyss, especially Katie and Emily? Lilli seems to be the least affected. Even though she doesn't really understand everything, she does ask questions and tries her best to help her Daddy when he is sick. Katie and Emily are taking the brunt of the fire and trying to do the things they are not accustomed to doing, but how much longer can they hold out against a relentless enemy that searches out the weakest link of a defense and goes after it mercilessly? How many more times will Katie be able to take my grouchiness and irritability? How much longer can she be both parents without completely losing it on one of the kids when they get out of line or push her buttons too much? What about Emily? This is her Senior year. The year that she is supposed to be able to do more with her friends and have a little bit more freedom, yet she has been saddled with responsibilities that most 17 year olds would walk away from. She is doing the best she can, but chinks can be seen in her armor and it is all starting to wear on her. How much longer will she be able to fight before the monster claims her and what is supposed to be the most fun year of high school? How many more times do my wife and oldest daughter have to stare into the abyss, shoulder burdens neither of them should have to and face down the monster before they won't ever recover the pieces of themselves that this disease silently takes from them?

Like I said, sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes, the day just... ends.

Yes, I know that this is not the normal "positive" post I normally post, but a night of continuously throwing up and 4 days in the hospital gives you a chance to look at things from a different perspective. Mainly, I got to look at how the stress and pressure of this is wearing very hard on the people around me. Honestly, I don't know how they do it. It has to be hard, especially when I'm in the bathroom retching for no apparent reason or when I get my happy self admitted to the hospital due to extreme dehydration (due to all the throwing up). I see all the stress both Katie and Emily are under and wonder how much longer can they hold up. Honestly, I think Katie will be fine. While we haven't been through anything like this, we have been through the grinder before and emerged just fine, so I think she'll come out on the other end more or less in one piece, but I do wonder what price she is paying to be able to hold up and come out that way. Emily, however, is starting to show signs of wear and tear. There are days where she does what we need her to do and she handles everything great, then there are days where she becomes the stereotypical teenager and just wants to do what she wants and not have anything to do with what is going on at home. I know we are asking alot from her, but I also know that she can handle what we give her. She is her "father's daughter" and she does have that certain "steel in her spine" determination to get things done when they need to get done. She just needs to realize that home needs to come first and everything else will be there when this is over. I am hoping that she can tap that steel and hold on for a little longer before she suffers a big break in her armor.