Battle plans have been drawn up and approved...

June 25th, 2010 @ 0730 (that's 7:30 am for you civilian types) is when we step into the abyss to face the monster one more time.

The surgery will be 7 hours long and consists of removing both tumors, the front one the conventional way and the one at the base of the tongue using robotics. They will also be doing a radical neck dissection on the left side of my neck to remove and test those lymph nodes to see if the cancer has spread on that side. (That means I'll have scars on both sides of my neck. Whoohoo.) There will be a hospital stay of anywhere from 3 days to a week, with another 5-7 days recovering at home. Then, 2-3 weeks after that, I have another round of chemotherapy. The chemo treatments will be 6-8 weeks.

This is the plan that was chosen from the three that were presented. The other options were 1) the same surgery as above, but with 2 to 3 weeks of chemotherapy beforehand. 2)total removal of the tongue and then going through chemotherapy.

Yes, you read that right. Total removal of the tongue was actually presented as an option. According to Dr. Blanco, there was quite a discussion in the tumor board on Wednesday about this. Apparently there were people there who felt that my tongue should just be considered a 'diseased organ' not worth saving and it should just be removed now to prevent any further spreading or recurrences. I think we should explore any and all options that can save as much of my tongue as possible before we even consider taking it all out. Fortunately, Dr. Blanco and Dr. Williams feel the same way I do, so we are going to do what we can to keep as much of my tongue as we can.

So, that's where we are. Is it maddening? Yes. Is it frustrating? Definitely. Do I want to beat my head against the wall sometimes? You bet. Does it make me want to throw in the towel and cower in terror at the big, bad cancer. NO, NO, NO, NO and HELL NO. I have invested too much time in this fight to just give up now. I was told once, a long time ago, that a person's character is not defined by the tragedies in their life. Their character is defined by how they handle the tragedies when they are given to them. I know that I downplay who I am sometimes, but I do know that my character has been forged in the fires of my past crisis' and it is too strong to quit. Besides, all I have to do is remember what I tell Emily and Lilli when they tell me they can't do something. I tell them that the man who says he can and the man who says he can't are both right. It is your mindset and your attitude that determines which man you are. I prefer to be someone who says he can.

Do, or do not. There is no try. ~Yoda

Another battle is upon us...

I got the biopsy results back. The "abnormality" at the base of my tongue is cancer.

The doctors are baffled as to why this cancer is hanging around. Every time they have removed a tumor, the margins have shown that they are clear and the cancer is gone. What also has them perplexed is that in my March PET scan, there was nothing there. I was clean. So, this tumor had to have popped up between then and my most recent PET scan.

Even though there is this new diagnosis, I am encouraged and have had my spirits rebooted. What has done that was a monologue from the tv show 'South Park'. Yes, I know what kind of show 'South Park' is, but this monologue by Principal Victoria is really very inspiring. Here it is:

Cancer is pure evil. It is a fat little lump that needs to be destroyed. When there is a cancer, you have to fight it. You can’t reason with cancer. You can’t wish it away. Cancer doesn’t play by the rules so neither can you.

And you can’t listen to what anybody else tells you. You have to be willing to give up everything; because the cancer will take everything. Do you understand?

When you have cancer, you fight, because it doesn’t matter if you beat it or not, you refuse to let that fat little lump make you feel powerless.

That is definitely something I am not. Powerless. As long as there is a breath in my body, I will fight. I have yet to lose a major battle in my life. I am not about to start now. This monster can be as aggressive as it wants, it can be as nasty as it wants. I will give back to it what it is giving me in spades.

So, off into the abyss I go, again. Do I go to fight the monster again happily? No. No one in their right mind would be happy that they have to endure this game. I do, however, go willingly. I didn't pick this fight. It picked me. And because it picked me, I am more than willing to take the fight to it.