one more time...

Into the abyss we go. Again. Tuesday morning @8:45 am is when the surgery and final battle are set to begin.

There are few times in life when you can see just how serious of a situation you are in. This is one of them. I am more apprehensive about this surgery than all of the other ones combined. That apprehension comes from the fact that this is the most serious surgery I have faced. In addition to the glossectomy and replacement, they are also inserting a temporary tracheostomy tube and temporary feeding tube (oh, the joy at that one). Those plus all the other gadgets and gizmos I will be hooked up to and I'm probably going to look like Locutus (you know, from Star Trek, The Next Generation). Yeah, that's how serious things are going to be.

In surgeries past, we always seemed to leave an escape path for the monster. No matter how well the doctors and pathologist performed, it always found an out. No more. Not this time. I am taking all possible doubt about this cancer and removing it. Literally. I'm done. If this thing wants to win, it is going to have to kill me. That just ain't happening.

I got to much to look forward to and just to much to do. Emily is just 18 and starting out in the world. She's gonna need my help feeling her way around until she is on her feet. I also need to be around for her to help her pick out a wedding dress and plan her wedding when she finally decides who she wants to settle down with. I have Lilli, who, at age 9, has decided that she wants to be in the Little League Softball World Series and a famous softball player. Katie is a wonderful Mom, but she can't help Lilli with how to hit or throw a curve ball, how to turn a double play or how to throw out a runner at home on a ball hit to the outfield. Speaking of Katie, we have a lot of growing old together that I really don't want to miss out on.

I said in an earlier blog from a South Park quote that in order to beat cancer you have to be willing to give up everything, because cancer is willing to take everything. That is what I am doing here. I am putting it all on the line tomorrow. I'm all in.

With that being said, I just want to take a minute here and thank all of you for your prayers, good thoughts and all the other kinds of support you have given us over the past 14 months. (Yeah, it's been 14 months since this started.) I honestly could not have done all of this without your help and support. My attitude has kept everyone positive and in return, your positive attitude has helped and propped up mine. Whenever I would feel down or upset about this, I would tell myself, "Self, you can't be down, you have all these people behind you supporting you and looking at you to beat this thing. You need to pick yourself up and keep moving forward. You can't give up or let them down. They're all counting on you to pick up the win. Let's go!" And I would do just that. I have an amazing cast of supporters who just will not let me fail and I appreciate it soooo much. Without it, I really don't know where I would be. From the bottom of my heart, thank you and I appreciate each and every one of you more than you'll ever realize.

So, into the abyss one more time. This will be the final, epic battle we have been waiting for. We will emerge triumphant.

Semper Fi...